Domestic Adoption
And Two More Make Nine
To say that life is busy for John and Tammy would be an understatement.
The parents of seven children ranging in age from twenty months to twenty-one years, life for John and Tammy often goes by in a whirlwind of activity. There is homework to help with, church activities to attend, children to transport, and toddlers to chase around the house. With the busyness of their household, it is hard to think back to when life was calmer. But then again, for Tammy and John, those days never really existed.
Deciding to Adopt
Up until this past summer, John and Tammy were the parents of five biological children: Becki (21), Katie (19), Dan (16), Emilee (14), and Joe (10). But soon, the couple felt called to expand their family even more. They had always enjoyed parenting, felt gifted in their abilities, and believed that adoption was a “clear and important way” for them to follow Jesus in loving their neighbors.
Transracial Adoption
With this in mind, John and Tammy signed up for AAI’s African-American adoption program. “Since we had biological children, we didn’t want to ‘compete’ with other families who really wanted a baby of their own race,” says Tammy. “Ultimately, transracial adoption wasn’t an issue for us.”
John and Tammy finished the necessary paperwork, completed their home study, and soon put the final touches on their profile. Just days after they finished their profile, they received a phone call about an unusual case: an adoption-minded mother was looking to place her two young sons with an adoptive family. Were they interested?
Cameron and Daven
Without hesitation, John and Tammy decided to proceed with the adoption of the two boys: Cameron (3 1/2) and Daven (20 months). The couple soon had the opportunity to meet the boys’ birth mother, which, says John, “was very good and also very difficult.” For John, the hardest parts were experiencing the grief of the boys and their birth mother, as well as seeing the magnitude of the children’s needs. Yet, the negative was counterbalanced by the positive. “It was good because we were able to express our commitment and love to her and promise to love and take care of her boys,” says Tammy. “We know who she is, we understand the factors in her life, and because we know that about her, we sincerely respect her and view her as a hero.”
Starting a New Life Together
John and Tammy took the boys home last April, and since that time, life has been a mixture of adventures and adjustments, with an occasional dash of forgetfulness amidst the chaos. John confesses, “We’ve almost forgotten to get Joe off to school twice now, and we forgot to get Emilee up for church once. I keep forgetting to pay the bills and the grass got so long once that if we made more than a 1/4 cut with the mower it seized.” John and Tammy, who say that their family has been known to mix up each other’s names, also admit that they now have two more ways to do so. Within the flurry of activity, “I keep hearing something that sounds like ‘Camp David’ for Cameron and Daven,” says John. He even jokes, “For efficiency sake, at least in writing, I’m thinking of reducing my kid’s names to their first letter. That way it would be B, K, D1, E, J, C and D (or D2). That way I could also give them practice math problems, like: solve for X = (B + K)/(C & D) – E*J – D1; where X = a date with T.”
The Rewards
Hectic as their lifestyle may be, their efforts have not gone unrewarded. Two weeks after the boys joined the family, John described life for everyone as “calmer, happier, less-stressed, and less-frightened.” While he admits that there are still good and bad days, he says, “When we look at the trends, the good days are better, and the bad days aren’t as bad as some of the earliest days and they’re farther apart.” He continues, “Sometimes, it almost seems like you can see their progress and growth right in front of your eyes—they’re changing in two ways: they’re growing up as children, but they’re also growing to accept and embrace their new family, life, values, and culture.” This response has been reciprocated by the other children in the family, whose hearts have also expanded to include love for their two new brothers.
Progress
This is quite a difference from when the boys first joined their new family. “It started out in what we’ve now called ‘survival mode,’” says John. “My wife lost seven pounds the first week [after the boys came home] just because she was too busy to eat!” Yet, for John and Tammy, they count every challenge they have been through as a blessing because it has caused them to grow spiritually. “This has been very difficult for us, in some ways,” says John. “I wouldn’t want you to think that we have ever doubted our decision or regretted it. It’s just that having made this wonderful decision, we nevertheless are dealing with the huge implications it has for our life.”
For Other Families
For other families who may be interested in adopting a sibling group, John warns that this is not for the faint of heart. “It is a lot of work,” he says, but it is a wonderful type of work. “We’ve all truly accepted the boys as part of our family,” says John, “and it is a beautiful thing to see them and us grow together more and more each day.”
For More Information
If you would like to learn more about adopting transracially through AAI’s domestic infant program, please visit our African-American Infant Adoptions page.
