Domestic Adoption
From Heartbreak to Joy
Chris and Audrey had always known that they wanted children, and after undergoing a couple of years of infertility treatments, they decided to adopt. “We hated having to go back to ‘square one’ after failed infertility attempts, especially after investing a lot of time and money in the procedures,” says Chris. “We both knew that adoption was the logical answer to expanding our family.”
New Hope for Their Family
Chris and Audrey ultimately decided to adopt because they knew that it wouldn’t be a matter of if they became parents; it would only be a matter of when. “We knew that even if it would take awhile, at least there would be light at the end of the tunnel compared to the black or white results of the infertility procedures,” says Chris. “Adoption brought new hope into our life.”
Linked with a Birth Mother
The couple chose AAI based on the recommendation of a friend, and they soon signed up for the agency’s domestic infant adoption program. Three months after completing their home study and submitting their profile, Chris and Audrey were linked with a birth mother who was five months pregnant.
A Fall Through
Over the course of the next four months, Chris and Audrey learned more about the birth mother and began preparing for parenthood. However, during this same time, “There were a lot of unusual circumstances that arose for the birth mother,” says Audrey. These “unusual circumstances” ultimately resulted in the adoption falling through ten days before the child’s projected due date.
Healing from Heartbreak
Although the couple was heartbroken, Audrey says, “Our family-in-waiting meetings had prepared us well in knowing … what to do or how to cope in the event of a fall through.” They needed some time to heal from the heartbreak they experienced, but Chris and Audrey kept their profile within circulation. “In comparison to the infertility treatments,” says Chris, “we weren’t starting from the very beginning once we decided to keep moving forward with the adoption process.”
Another Link
When Chris and Audrey were linked with another birth mother less than a month after the fall through, they learned that the heartbreak they experienced was part of a bigger plan for their family. They met the birth mother for the first time in early January of 2006. “We tried to get together as much as possible during that short month since she was due at the end of January and we wanted to get to know her and spend as much time as we could with her,” says Audrey. Audrey was able to accompany the birth mother to her last few doctor’s appointments, and the couple helped the birth mother with errands and other small tasks.
The Halftime Show
Chris and Audrey’s son, Trevor James, finally arrived on February 5, 2006, during Superbowl XL. “The birth mother was a little bit overdue, and she was to be induced on the Monday after the Superbowl,” says Chris. “We got a call from the birth mother around noon on Sunday saying that she had already checked herself into the hospital and for us to get there as soon as possible. We arrived about 1:30pm and got to spend the entire time with her in the hospital and witness the birth. Trevor arrived right during the halftime show.”
Bringing the Baby Home
Trevor was born perfectly healthy, and because Audrey is a neonatal intensive care nurse, the couple was able to convince the hospital staff to discharge him a little early. Their son came home with them on February 6, 2006, less than 24 hours after he was born.
Losing Contact
Chris and Audrey stayed in close contact with Trevor’s birth mother through pictures, letters, and phone conversations for the first three months after his birth. They knew that Trevor’s birth mother was in the process of moving out of her apartment, and they soon lost contact with her completely. “The next thing we knew, we didn’t have an address or a phone number for her,” says Audrey. They continued to send pictures and letters to the agency, thinking that the birth mother needed some time and space to feel assured of her decision to plan adoption. “We weren’t too worried since everything was left on good terms and figured that sooner or later we would be back in touch with her,” says Audrey. “We didn’t want to push the issue or try to track her down.”
Deciding to Adopt Again
The following November, Trevor’s adoption was finalized, and Chris and Audrey decided to start the process to adopt once again, thinking that it might take some time before they were placed with another child. They filled out the necessary paperwork the beginning of December, 2006.
A Surprise Call
Then, in mid-December of 2006, Chris and Audrey saw Trevor’s birth mother’s name on their caller ID. “We decided to wait for her to call instead of initiating contact since she hadn’t left a message,” says Audrey. “After two days, we couldn’t stand it, and we called her back and left a message on her machine letting her know how much we missed her and how good Trevor was doing.” She called back the next day, and Audrey talked to her for about fifteen minutes, catching up on the last several months.
During this conversation, “The birth mother stated that she had gotten back together with Trevor’s birth father right when we had fallen out of touch with her,” says Chris. “She was once again pregnant and was wondering if we were ready to adopt again so soon. We, of course, were doing cartwheels and couldn’t believe our luck.”
Megan
Chris and Audrey’s daughter, Megan Elizabeth, was born on January 28, 2007, just five weeks after they found out about her. They were able to take Megan home from the hospital on January 29 of this year, thanks in part to the prompt work of the AAI staff. “The entire staff at AAI was amazing at getting everything finished in a short amount of time so Megan could come home with us,” says Audrey.
Today
Today, Chris and Audrey say that the blessings they have received by adopting their children are “too many to count.” They were able to witness the births of their son and daughter, both of whom were born healthy, and say that their hospital experiences were “extremely touching, memorable, and stress-free events.”
Chris and Audrey have also maintained contact with their children’s birth mother and talk with her over the phone a few times a month. While this may eventually taper off as it did after Trevor’s birth, Chris and Audrey will continue to send pictures and letters on a scheduled basis. “We would say our adoption leans heavily toward the ‘open’ end of the spectrum,” says Audrey.
Looking Back
Now, as they look back upon the journey of how they became a family, Chris and Audrey have no regrets about the heartache they experienced because of their fall through. “We had heard from and read about so many couples with successful adoptions that said that they wouldn’t change a thing,” says Chris. Especially surprising was the fact that many of these couples “had traveled extremely hard roads or had endured devastating setbacks along the way.”
Because of the fall through they experienced, Chris and Audrey can now identify with these couples. “It is hard to believe this either when you are first investigating adoption or are in the middle of a setback,” says Chris, “but now we feel like we can say the same exact thing as those other couples. When the first adoption fell through, it was devastating. We did find that it was extremely important to have faith, especially in the down times or times of waiting, and to trust the process. Looking back now, we wouldn’t change a thing and know that everything happens for a reason.” Chris and Audrey now know that the reason for the first fall through was to unite them with the two children who were undoubtedly meant to be their own.
For More Information
To learn more about domestic adoption, please visit our domestic adoption page.
