Domestic Adoption
Breaking the Cycle
“What is a mother?” asks Christina in an essay about motherhood that she wrote for an introductory college English class last semester. “A mother,” answers Christina, “is someone who is warm, affectionate, patient, and gives unconditional love. She is a protector from the harm that we encounter in our lives from birth into adolescence. She is a guide to help us choose the right path when life throws us curves, and her children’s needs always come before her own.”
Christina’s Mother
Although this is the kind of mother that Christina strives to be every day to her four children, this is not the type of mother that she knew growing up. “My mother pushed me out of her home when I needed her guidance and unconditional love,” says Christina. “I was a sixteen, almost seventeen, year old terrified young woman that just found out that I was pregnant.”
Leaving Home
After leaving home, Christina settled into a one bedroom apartment in a run-down neighborhood on the east side of Detroit. She soon found it too difficult to manage working, school, pregnancy, and adult responsibilities, like paying bills, and dropped out of high school less than six months before graduation.
The Miscarriage
Then, alone in her apartment one night with the shades drawn and the doors bolted to keep out unwanted strangers, Christina started to miscarry. She didn’t have any way to call for help, and although the local party store was right outside her door, she didn’t dare leave the apartment at that late hour to use the pay phone. Doubled over in pain, she prayed that someone would come to help her. In her anguish, there was only one person she wanted to be with her—her mother.
Wishing for Her Mother
“It seemed like an eternity that I spent in agonizing pain on that cold tile floor in the bathroom,” says Christina. “I thought, ‘Where’s my mom? I want my mom!’” Her boyfriend eventually stopped by to check on her after hanging out with his friends and drove her to the hospital in her car.
“My boyfriend called my mother to let her know where I was and what was going on,” says Christina. “I thought, ‘My mom is coming to let me know that everything is going to be okay.’ I waited and waited. Hours had gone by. She never came… . I was truly ALONE.”
Breaking the Cycle
Now a parent herself, Christina strives to be a much different mother to her children. She says, “I love being a mother; it’s the best feeling in the world, and I am grateful for all of my children.” She also vows to continue to break the cycle that her mother started with her. “I love all my children unconditionally and know they will make mistakes,” she says. “But I will be here to guide them when they need to be guided in the right direction or to be a shoulder to lean on when they need one. I believe that all children are gifts from God.”
Christina’s “Gifts”
Christina’s “gifts” are named Todd, Logan, Isabella, and Keegan, and they range in age from eighteen months to eleven years old. Early last summer, Christina discovered that she was pregnant with her fifth child in the midst of a divorce. Although she was struggling to provide financially for her children, terminating the pregnancy was not an option for her. “I do not believe in abortion,” says Christina. “No child asks to be born. We choose for them to be.”
Life As a Single Mother
Yet, Christina knew that, with her current circumstances, she was both financially and emotionally unable to parent another child. “I could not put another child through what my children were already going through,” says Christina. “It would not have been fair to any of them, including the baby, to struggle even more.”
Raising five children and going to school full time would have been more than she could handle, and she was struggling to receive child support as well. “I received $218 for February and March for support,” says Christina. “I am barely making ends meet. I do not have a car; my car died after Christmas. I have to rely on others for grocery shopping and medical appointments. My life is terrible, and I couldn’t imagine having another child live this way. I have to rely on the state for food assistance and medical insurance since the divorce. This is not a way to live.”
Adoption?
The day that she discovered she was pregnant, Christina looked up “adoption” on the computer, and Adoption Associates, Inc.’s web site popped up. “I looked at some of the ‘Waiting Families’ and read through many, if not all, of the profiles,” said Christina. One family in particular stood out to her. “When looking through the profiles, I came across Steve and Cammy’s, and I knew that they were the family I wanted for my child,” says Christina. “I just knew looking at Cammy’s eyes and how happy they looked…I just knew.”
Christina requested a free information packet from AAI’s web site and met with Paula Springer, the director of AAI’s Eastern Michigan offices, a short time later. After meeting with Paula, Christina met her caseworker, Laurie Larson, who suggested that Christina look through the profiles of waiting families and pick several that appealed to her. Fortunately, Steve and Cammy were still available.
Meeting Steve and Cammy
Laurie arranged a meeting at the Farmington Hills Office for Steve, Cammy, and Christina to meet. “I was very nervous,” said Christina. “I was thinking, ‘What if they didn’t like me? What if they didn’t want my baby because of the way I looked? or What if they judged me for what I had been through in my life?’” Yet, Christina soon discovered that she needn’t have worried. “Cammy and Steve put all of my fears to rest, and I felt blessed to have them accept my child into their lives,” says Christina.
Sacrificial Love
Christina knew that Steve and Cammy could provide a stable environment for her child, both emotionally and financially, and once she met Cammy, she knew that Cammy would be “the perfect mom.” Christina says, “Cammy is the mom I am with my children.” Christina knew that her baby would be safe, happy, and healthy with Steve and Cammy, which was very important to her. “All I want out of life is for all of my children to do their best with what life has to offer, to be happy and healthy, and to know how much each one of them means to me,” says Christina. For Christina, accomplishing this meant placing her child with Steve and Cammy.
Haven
About five months after they first met, on February 21, 2007, Cammy and Steve brought Christina to the hospital for her scheduled C-section. “Haven was born at 8:31am with Cammy in the OR with me,” says Christina. “She was 7 pounds, 4 ounces, and beautiful.” The nurses placed the baby in Cammy’s arms, and “The look on her face was priceless,” says Christina. “I was so excited for her and for Steve.”
A Medical Crisis
Feeling ill from the anesthesia, Christina wasn’t able to see Haven for long, or even to hold her. Shortly after Haven’s birth, the doctors also discovered that Haven was born with tracheoesophageal fistula, an abnormal opening between the trachea and the esophagus, which required her to be immediately transported to a nearby children’s hospital for surgery. Steve and Cammy were right there with her.
“Due to circumstances in my life being the way they are, I was so grateful for Cammy and Steve being with Haven every step of the way,” says Christina. “They had a long ten days at the children’s hospital, but God was looking out for us because Haven recovered quicker than the doctors expected.”
A Rainbow
On the first of March, Christina and her ex-husband traveled to Grand Rapids, Michigan, in the midst of terrible weather to attend the release hearing for Haven’s adoption. After completing the paperwork, they began to travel home, and on one side of the street, the sun came out briefly. On the other side of the street was a full rainbow. “To me it was a sign,” says Christina. “God was there for me and knew. He just knew.” Later that day, Christina learned that Haven had been discharged from the hospital and would be spending her first night at home with her new family.
A True Mother’s Love
Today, Christina says, “I am at peace with the decision that I made for Haven… . I have no regrets, with the exception of not holding her, but that was out of our hands.” Although choosing adoption was a difficult decision for her, Christina knew that this was the best option for everyone involved, and because she loved all her children, she made a tremendous sacrifice for each of them by allowing Steve and Cammy to raise Haven. “I am a true ‘Mother’ in my eyes,” says Christina. “My children’s needs will always come before my own. I just hope they will understand one day how much I truly LOVE all of them.”
For More Information
For more information on making an adoption plan for your child, please visit www.PlanAdoption.com. For information on adopting, please see our domestic infant adoption page.
