Domestic Adoption
Family “Adopts” Birth Mom for Christmas
Andrew and Jaclyn had always thought about adopting eventually, but after two years of unsuccessfully trying to conceive, the couple chose adoption to create their family.
Starting the Journey
Andrew and Jaclyn chose AAI after attending an information meeting and speaking with other families that had adopted through AAI. At this information meeting, Andrew and Jaclyn learned that the waiting list for African-American children was less than ten couples, while the waiting list for a Caucasian child was nearly ten times that. This prompted them to choose transracial adoption. “We had no requirements around race or color or gender,” says Andrew. “We made sure we were comfortable with and aware of the challenges we would face by choosing to adopt transracially and went ahead with this decision.”
A Surprise Call
Andrew and Jaclyn were able to take home their first son, Brady, about a week after he was born in December of 2004. When they were in the process of updating their home study in preparation for a second adoption, they received a special call. “We were surprised and delighted to get a phone call from Janet Forde from the Farmington Hills office saying that Brady’s birth mom had requested that we be contacted to see if we would adopt Brady’s brother who had been born,” says Andrew. They brought home Carter about a week later in June of 2006, and his adoption was finalized at Ottawa County Court’s National Adoption Day celebration on November 21.
A Plan in the Making
“During our visit with Andrew’s family last Christmas, we asked them if they would consider adopting a family for Christmas rather than exchanging gifts with each other,” says Jaclyn. “Everyone was very open to the idea.” This year, Andrew and Jaclyn took the idea one step further and contacted Janet Forde, their birth mother’s caseworker, to see if their children’s birth mother would be open to having them and their extended family “adopt” her and her children for Christmas. “Janet said that Brady and Carter’s birth mom was very happy and excited about this idea,” says Andrew.
Joining Together
According to Andrew and Jaclyn, their family was excited too, and eager to participate. Their holiday gift-giving suddenly became much more rewarding because of the cause and the special family that they were buying for.
“Some mentioned how much more fun it was buying for the ‘adopted’ family because they really thought they were making a difference,” says Andrew. “Everyone bought much more than we had originally planned.”
The Christmas List
Janet was able to compile a list with clothing sizes and gift ideas for every member of the birth mom’s family. The birth mom “was reluctant to ask for anything for herself,” said Janet, “but she readily gave me information on the kids. She told me that her 17 year old and 15 year old sons love basketball. Her 12 year old son loves basketball and video games. Her three year old daughter likes Dora, baby dolls, and Barbies. She said that all of the kids needed socks and could use shoes.” After a little prying, Janet was also able to determine that the birth mom could use a bathrobe, towels, and a full size blanket, and she added these items to the list.
A Special Delivery
Janet forwarded the list on to Andrew and Jaclyn. “We divided the list up amongst our family members,” said Andrew. Andrew and Jaclyn collected the gifts and then delivered them to Janet to give to the family. The gifts, which were wrapped and in storage containers for the birth mom to use later, filled Janet’s entire car. “We couldn’t have gotten one more box in,” said Janet. Janet personally delivered the gifts to the family on December 11.
The birth mom was overwhelmed by the gifts. “She was so thankful,” said Janet. “She said to thank the adoptive family numerous times and she said that she’s going to get a thank you card for them. It really meant a lot to her.”
Janet called Andrew shortly after the Christmas present delivery to tell him and his family “thank you” on the birth mother’s behalf. “We are so happy [she] responded this way,” says Andrew.
An Important Project
For Andrew and Jaclyn, this project was about even more than showing the love and admiration they have for their children’s birth mother. “For us, it is just about making sure we live our intentions with others,” says Andrew. “Some people we have discussed this with have expressed apprehension and wonder if we are inviting future expectations or requests. Regardless of what the future brings we must choose actions that represent the appreciation and love we feel for someone who has made the difficult choice of adoption. Our lives would be materially different and void of this life experience without the courage our children’s birth mother displayed. I want her to know this is how we talk and think about her in our lives and in the lives of our children.”
Janet also believes that this project was very important for the birth mother as well. “It helped her to know what a special family her children are placed with,” says Janet. It also helped to make the holidays more special. “Having the family reach out to her and do something like this not only helped her financially and emotionally, but it allowed her to be able to give her family a really wonderful Christmas,” says Janet.
Future Plans
Andrew and Jaclyn plan to include their children’s birth mother and her family in their holiday gift-giving next year. The couple is also considering adopting the family of a soldier who was killed in the war next Christmas. “I have one brother in the Navy and one in the Army and this would mean a lot to them,” said Andrew.
For more information on domestic adoption, please visit the domestic adoption page.
