International Adoption
Mama and Papa Meet DeAnna
“One day Papa and I went to Russia to meet our new daughter. It was a long plane ride and we were quite tired when we arrived,” writes Doris to her daughter, DeAnna, in a story about how DeAnna came to be their daughter.
On the Way
“About four days later,” continues Doris, “Papa and I got into a small car and drove to Slantsy, Russia. It was such a pretty drive. There were forests and birch trees shining white in the sunlight. My favorite part of the trip was seeing all the cows…Finally, after three hours of driving, we arrived…I was a bit nervous, a little excited and very curious. What does our little DeAnna look like? I bet she’ll be beautiful,” thought Doris.
Catching Her Eye
Marvin (“Papa”) and Doris soon met Elena, the director of the children’s home. “She was friendly and welcoming,” writes Doris. “We were taken to a room, but I had to use the bathroom,” she continues. “As I went alone down the hallway,…I noticed a pretty little girl barely peeking out of a doorway at me.…Could this be DeAnna?! I thought perhaps it was, but how could I be sure? So…I went back to the room where everyone waited to get the meeting started.”
Meeting DeAnna…and Her Pet
“In about five minutes the same pretty little girl, the one I saw peeking at me earlier…yes, the same little girl…carefully approached the door of the room,” writes Doris. “Elena said, ‘Come in, DeAnna, and meet your Mama and Papa.’ Wow! This was the moment I’ve dreamed about…for so many months…She [even] brought me a small turtle to pet. What a girl!”
Precious Moments Together
“After our meeting, DeAnna and Papa went out to play catch in the yard. When I joined them, DeAnna came over and we took pictures. She sat with me, hugged me and whispered in my ear, ‘Mamoolya’ (Russian affectionate word for Mama),” continues Doris.
Our Daughter!
“The next day we saw DeAnna again and she was allowed to come in the car with us to go to St. Petersburg. She got sleepy on the way home and laid her head on my lap. I stroked her soft face, felt the outline of her nose and looked into her brown eyes. My daughter!” proclaims Doris. Marvin and Doris returned to Russia two months later to bring seven year old DeAnna home as their “forever daughter.”
Adopting an Older Child
Because Marvin and Doris had brought humanitarian aid and Christian literature into orphanages in Russia and Belarus while participating in mission trips, they were familiar with the plight of orphans. They knew that older children are hard to place and that the lives of the children who are not adopted (graduate orphans) are full of despair and hardship. With this in mind, they decided to adopt. The couple was introduced to Adoption Associates, Inc. (AAI) through friends, and they felt confident with the agency because of AAI’s accreditation and history in Russia. They began the adoption process knowing that unique challenges come with adopting an older child.
Struggles
Doris admits that “this [adoption] is a journey characterized by courage, faith and thankfulness,” and they thank God for providing daily strength, patience, and courage. “DeAnna came to us with lots of memories of her life in Russia,” says Doris. “Most were not good ones. She did not have a healthy awareness of ‘family’; she had five sets of caregivers in three years. She had not developed appropriate emotional or physical responses.” DeAnna’s initial adjustment proved to be challenging, but through this time, Doris and Marvin learned “anew how to be committed and maintain hope while parenting a delightful, though hurting, little girl.”
Proactive Parenting
Marvin and Doris began to address DeAnna’s unique struggles from the moment they brought her home. “We intentionally had a photo of the three of us already framed and placed in our living room [and] her bedroom prior to her homecoming,” says Doris. They also “sought outside intervention early for attachment, emotional, stress and depression related ‘issues.’”
DeAnna is currently in fourth grade and likes school. Marvin says, “She has required special academic programming since starting school,” but “the school continues to be responsive in making numerous adjustments as we collaboratively seek to ascertain the academic [and] social programming that DeAnna requires.” DeAnna currently receives resource room help in reading and writing, and the couple continues to be actively involved in DeAnna’s schooling.
An All-American Girl
This August marked DeAnna’s third adoption anniversary. Today, “DeAnna is fluent in English and communicates very well,” says Doris. DeAnna has endeared herself to American culture, perhaps even too quickly. “It doesn’t take long for a 7 year old to learn about DVDs, boom boxes and Nintendo,” says Doris. “The challenge is to teach DeAnna our family values in the midst of her exposure to the excessive materialism and graphic imagery in this culture.”
Blessings
“The Tolls are a wonderful example of a couple who have found out how fulfilling adopting an older child can be,” says Domestic Casework Manager Laurie Larson. “While they’ve dealt with challenges and have enriched DeAnna’s life immeasurably, they also have experienced how profoundly her life has blessed them as well.”
Although there have been struggles,“The blessings are too numerous to mention,” says Doris. “Even in the midst of difficult times (especially early on), DeAnna’s love of life and her curiosity inspires us to see the world through new eyes. Her giggle and enjoyment of life is contagious. Her energy keeps us on our toes. She is a bright little girl and her questions about life provide many opportunities for creative communication. DeAnna’s spontaneous hugs and kisses help us realize that her trust of us is deepening. We enjoy our daughter tremendously.”
More Information
For more information about adopting from Russia, visit AAI’s Russia adoption web page or call AAI at 616.667.0921.
