International Adoption
Loving to Be Loved: Family Adopts Three Girls Domestically and Then Three Boys from Russia
Kevin was the lone male in a house of four females when the phone call arrived that would change not only the number of children in the house but the male/female ratio as well. Kevin and his wife, Deb, had been talking about adopting again all summer, but their talking didn’t become reality until they met with a caseworker from Adoption Associates, Inc. (AAI) in September of 2003 to discuss adopting two boys from Russia. Because Kevin and Deb had other children at home, any children adopted into the family would need to be at least nine months younger than their youngest child to comply with the agency’s policy, which made it hard to find children that fit into the correct age category. Finally, AAI called to say that they had found children that would be a match for the family. There was only one problem—they had found three brothers, one more than the family was planning on adopting. Were they still interested?
The First Trip
Yes! The thought of adopting three boys didn’t phase Kevin and Deb’s decision to adopt and soon they were planning a trip to Ulyanovsk, Russia to meet their sons. The couple traveled in October of 2004 and spent time with the children at the orphanage. “We’d go to the orphanage twice a day—once in the morning, and once in the late afternoon,” says Kevin. “We got to see where they slept, where they ate, their gymnasium, where they sang, and the orphanage was very open to us.” Deb says, “We were really impressed on that trip by how quickly the boys began to attach to us. You really could sense that they wanted a forever family. It was good for all of us to spend that time together, establishing a foundation of trust before removing them from everything familiar to them.” When Kevin and Deb left, it was with the understanding that they would be returning soon to adopt the children and bring them home.
Approval Granted!
Because of delays, “soon” turned into five long months of waiting. Finally, Kevin and Deb were able to travel to Russia the end of February, 2005 with their AAI caseworker, Chandra. Then, on March 3, 2005, Kevin and Deb went before the Russian court and the judge granted them permission to adopt the boys. This was the first positive decision that this judge had given in the first court appearance of a family in six months. “God’s hand was over this thing,” says Kevin. “It was very apparent to us that we were meant to take these boys home.” According to Chandra, the family’s determination to overcome obstacles to get the boys home was part of what made them successful in adopting. “This family is special in so many ways,” says Chandra. “They were always honest with themselves about the challenges they were facing and they would have moved heaven and earth to get their boys home.”
What’s in a Name?
The boys, ages five, three, and two when they were brought home, were given new names but Kevin and Deb kept their Russian identity by translating their Russian names into English for their middle names. The meaning of the names “really emulates who they are,” says Kevin. The oldest child was named Nathan Evan, which means “God has given a gracious gift.” The second child was named Andrew Alex, which means “strong and brave protector of mankind,” and Samuel Paul, the youngest, means “God has heard the small and humble.”
The Language Barrier
Between Kevin, Deb, and Chandra, there was one adult to escort each child home, which was helpful since the boys didn’t speak English. “The translator taught us basic Russian phrases to use with the boys like ‘sit,’ and ‘stay,’ which we called ‘puppy commands,’” says Kevin. Although the “puppy commands” were useful at first, they weren’t needed for long. Russian was only spoken in the household for about four months.
Becoming a Family
When Nate, Drew, and Sam came home, they joined older sisters Alyssa, Mariah, and Bryana, who were adopted domestically. To see how everyone was adjusting, Kevin and Deb would periodically “take the girls’ temperatures” by asking them what they thought about their new brothers. Initially, the girls were excited about the boys. However, the girls soon began saying that the boys were driving them crazy. “This was good, though,” says Kevin, “because the boys stopped being visitors and became brothers.” Because Deb homeschools all of the children, the family was able to spend several months together bonding. Deb even organized a unit study of Russia and they built a replica of St. Basil’s Cathedral together.
Loving to be Loved
“The boys are as pleasant as you could ask for,” says Kevin. “They love life,” says Deb. “They enjoy trying new foods and experiencing new things. All three of them have such resilient spirits, and they are genuinely happy. People often comment to us about what wonderful smiles they have.” What amazes Kevin the most, though, is how much the boys “love to be loved.” Kevin says that, even to this day, the boys look forward to going to the dentist because they love the fact that someone wants to care for them.
Looking Backwards (and Forwards)
Although Kevin admits that he’s looking forward to the day when Nate and Drew, who call the orphanage “The Big House,” only use that phrase to refer to U of M’s stadium, the family has adjusted well. Naturally, though, there have been challenges in blending the family together. “The transition has definitely required more time and energy than we thought it would,” says Deb. “You must work as a team and rely on each other’s strengths through the process. Yet, anything worthwhile takes effort, and usually lots of it.”
Because Deb studied so much about adoption, she is now able to recommend materials to couples looking to adopt who are hungry for as much information as possible. Kevin and Deb also remain thankful to AAI, and especially to Chandra, for her willingness to answer all of their questions and to investigate answers to questions that she didn’t know the answers to. For Kevin and Deb, adopting these boys was an adventure, but “Unless you prepare yourself for an adventure [when adopting], you’ll probably be disappointed,” says Kevin. What an adventure it was!
More Information
For more information on adopting from Russia, visit our Russia web page or call 616.667.0921.
